could really use a friend right now but i dont feel like i have anyone i could talk to.
tonight sucks.
fuck everyone.

im ridiculously bloated tonight and it’s making me feel hideous. i look absolutely massive, fuck sake. all i want is to be thin but it’s such a difficult thing to achieve, i’m so fucking unhappy with my body.

my boyfriends mum and step dad are going away for a week tomorrow, so im gonna stay there all week with him and im so excited. last time it made us discuss moving in together so hopefully this time will move it along further. everything is going so smoothly lately,
i love it so much. this week is gonna be perfect.

lost my two best friend within the space of a couple months. goes to show you really cannot trust anyone.

today’s been really difficult

i weighed myself and realised that i’ve put on half a stone, yet again. my weight yo-yo’s so much and it stresses me out. i need to lose atleast a stone for me to be happy again. my boyfriend noticed i was unhappy and questioned me and i told him everything, he’s helped me have some small bits to eat but i can tell he’s worried.

i’m worried. i don’t want to fall back into old habits but it’s so hard and i’m so unhappy.

because i burnt my foot at work last week, my bosses are fully panicking that i’m gonna sue or something because of faulty equipment so they’ve given me permission to have until wednesday off (a minimum of til monday). dunno if im happy about it cus long weekend but then again i get bored stupid when im not at work.

sigh.

i’m honestly so unhappy with my appearance. 

my skin is breaking out SO bad all the time, my stomach is constantly bloated and my thighs are fucking massive. i hate that i’m the fat one out of me and my sister. she’s got the perfect figure, her stomach’s completely flat and her legs go on for miles. every time i try to lose weight i just pile it straight back on and it makes me so upset. today was the first time in a while where i looked in the mirror and cried at what i saw. i hate it. i need to sort my image out so i can be happy with myself once and for all. i just wish i hadn’t been cursed with the chubby gene.

i’m so disgusting.

this weekend has made me realise how in love i am. i’m so unbelievably happy and feeling positive about how things are gonna start moving upwards within the next few months. life is so, so good.