i’m so bloated all the time and i’ve been trying so hard to eat less carbs and fatty stuff cus i know thats what does it, and i’m literally constantly checking whats in food and it’s driving me insane. my family wanna have fish and chips tonight and i said no because i dunno whats in it or how many calories there are. i wanna go back a couple weeks to when i didnt care about that kinda stuff. but if i did then the 10lbs i’m tryna get rid of wont budge. everythings so so annoying right now.

today is just shit. i’m so fucking stressed about everything and after my kind of emotional breakdown last night this is the last thing i need.

and the final thing? probably no one on this fucking website cares or wants to hear this generic bullshit coming from the mind of a 19 year old girl, so why am i even bothering.

i’m so mentally drained. i’m crying at the silliest things and i have no one to talk to. i talk to my boyfriend but theres times when i don’t want to dump all my problems on him, plus he can read me like a book so i don’t need to say anything for him to know. but still. every best friend i’ve ever had has fucked off. and every time it’s somehow my fault? i put everything into trying to make friendships work, if i see someone as a close/best friend i care for them more than i do most people. yet somehow i’m the dickhead or the one that manages to lose friends. i just really don’t understand.

y’know what else sucks? the fact that other than my boyfriend i have no one to talk to about this stuff. i don’t have a best friend anymore. like, at all. and that really fucking sucks, people suck.

can’t do this on a read more so you’re gonna have to deal with my complaining and moaning.

i’m becoming ridiculously obsessed with calorie counting and weighing myself and having complete control over what i eat and how much i eat lately and it’s really making me worry. like me and my boyfriend have been to tesco a couple times this weekend and walking round looking for food made me INCREDIBLY nervous and i actually cried on two occasions in tesco because of that. i’ve told my boyfriend about all the shit in my past and he said he wont let me get out of control like before and thats comforting but i’m still worried. i just hope that i’ll be able to get over this after a while, i can’t fall back into old habits.

gonna lay in bed with my boyfriend and watch prison break for the rest of the afternoon, aw